What is On Jeffs' Mind

I have not really slept well for the past few days, so some of my thoughts may partly be because I have not really had a real solid sleep. Laying on the couch this morning, my mind was thinking about all the things in my life that I haven’t been able to put as much of myself into as I would like. Recently I have been focused on a Sharepoint migration at work, and it has chewed up a lot of my time on the weekends, but it really just goes deeper then one project or application. Last week, I had to take some time off to balance out my work week, since policy changes at where I work will only compensate us for 40 hours. You can work more then 40 hours, and I am sure the company would like that very much, but you will not get any additional pay, or the ability to bank the hours for use later. Even though I was off, I still felt burdened, I was thinking, what were others thinking of me for being away, well there was still so much to do, I was thinking about the long hours this weekend is bringing, and just thinking about how tired I felt.  My job weighs so heavy on my mind, and I am frustrated that it does, as it shouldn’t.

I was thinking about all the things in my life that I haven’t been able to put more into, and made me feel sad.

My Family: Last night I went over to my parents for my nephews 6th birthday, I had been working all day, and I was not able to wrap his present properly. I felt bad for that, as he deserved better then that. I knew he would just rip it off quickly, but it was something small that I wasn’t even able to do. Also my mind was not really there, as I was lost in thought about the problems of the day, and what we will be doing today. I think of all the times over the past few years, when I was not there for my family, because at times I placed work ahead of my family. It was not something that I wanted to do, but I did in the end, and I truly regret that.

My Marriage: I am not as attentive to my Wife as I should be. We seldom go out, and many times even when I am not working, I am tired or I have work weighing on my mind. There have been times over the past few years, where she has gotten the short end of the stick, as again, I have placed the wants of my job ahead of her. A few years ago, we went on a weekend trip to Banff. Shortly before we left, I was informed that I needed to execute a change. So We had to rush back early from the trip so that I could do the work. She never truly got to enjoy that weekend in the mountains as we were there, and then we were gone. This summer, her mother came to visit, which was a busy time since we also moved. They went on a few trips, but I was never able to accompany them, as I was working. The one trip I did take them on to Jasper, was a one day trip, again, in and out, no real time to check things out. I recall we did see some great things, like some awesome waterfalls and watching some people cliff diving, but all to short and brief as needed to get back.

My Friends: I have some great friends, both local and non local, but I never spend as much time as I would like with them. A few weeks ago I spent some time with my good friend Dave. I had not seen him in awhile, and I called him up as I needed some help with picking up some building supplies, and then the following day for help when my TV broke. He was there to help me out, and the time I got to spend with him I really enjoyed. My other friends as well I have not spent much time, the two Jason’s I have not seen very much of, it has been a long time since I met up with my friend Donald. My friend Jason from Calgary is always asking for people to come down and visit, and I have not done that in so long, as usually every weekend I have committed myself to some sort of work. My friend Jason who is local, as mentioned going out for something to eat, and I have missed the last few times since always seems to be something with work.

I also have a great group of friends online, and I have seen all the great fun things they have done. But over the past few years, all I really have done is stand on the sidelines and watched, never contributing anything to the endeavors that they are doing. Some of what they have done, were things I was very interested in, but due to the time I was putting into my job, I have never participated in them. I look back, and that was a wrong choice, even if I did not have a lot of time, I should have contributed, as I think it would have been very good for me. I am grateful for my friend Rick, who I email regularly, we had a great chat on Friday, and I wish we would do those more, as we talk about a lot of fun and interesting things. I also exchanged some emails earlier in the week with my friend Dan, and talked about some shared interests we have. It is just so awesome to talk with people who have the same interests as you, as it makes you appreciate it more. I need to spend more time in my online communties.

Hobbies: I have not put much into my hobbies and the things that I really have passion for. This blog is an example, as it has been sometime since I have posted. I need to do that more. I had some great ideas for it, and I have never really allowed them to take off. My Podcasts as well, I have neglected them as well mainly due to work. My main Podcast that I do with my friend Jason, Champodcast, it feels at time I am just putting the minimum into it. The website for it has not changed since we launched, the forums I should be posting more, and more time spent on promoting it. But lately I have just been maintaining instead of building. My other podcast What’s in Jeff’s Basement, I have done nothing in the past year. I promise myself that when I get my basement done, more time will go to it, and I need to keep to that promise. Jason and I are also talking about launching a site for our group of Podcast we are working on, I was thinking about it the other day, but haven’t done anything more on it, I need to get on that.

My collecting has taken a bit of a back seat over the past few months as well. I have picked up a few things, but for the most part, I have really not done much. That is not a bad thing, as that is spending money, but I should probably try and follow it more closely, as even if I am not buying anything, I am still interested in what is released. This upcoming weekend is the annual Edmonton Toy and Collectible show. I have a table again this year, and will be selling a few items. I always enjoy that, mainly for meeting up with fellow collecting friends and talking about the hobby. The scary thing, is that I am considering missing it over work, if I do that, I will regret it. The issues we are working on now seem to be pointing to the toy show weekend for that work to happen. I have to find it in myself to say no to work, and place this Toy Show ahead of what ever demands are there. I think from a general mental health stand point, if I miss this show and doing something I really enjoy, it is going to stick with me for a long time and fester.

Around the House: Last summer I moved into a house. There have been renovation that I have done, but they have taken painfully long to do. My basement is near completion, but for the amount of work, they probably should have been done much sooner. There is still other things to be done, but it seems like I am always putting them off as I am either working or tired from it. Once Spring comes, I also need to get out in the yard and make sure I manage it before it becomes to much, with that, you cannot wait to long.

From the start of this Blog to the end of it, I have found I feel much better. Just writing down some of my feelings and frustrations with where I am right now had been somewhat cathartic. I was not really intending that when I started this, but at least it has helped in that I feel in a better mood to take on what I have today, and to realize that a lot starts with me. Work seems to be the main reason for my troubles, and I have struggled with it in the past. It usually gets over me and pounds me down, probably because I let it.  I guess all one can do is the best they can, and let that speak for itself. Some of the things I worry about, are just not my responsibility. The project I am working on, if it doesn’t get completed on time, that is some one else to deal with. If I look at it simply, if it is not my responsibility, then I should not put any of my energy, effort or worry into it.  For work, things work out the way they work out, for my life, what I truly care about, that is where my attention should be.

Tags: Champodcast, Dave, Jason, Jason L, Rick Moyer, Sharepoint, Tao tao, What's in Jeffs Basement, work

It is nice to get out and see things, but it is always nice to come home.

Last week I was in Ottawa for some training for work. It was a nice trip, nothing eventful really happened, everything seemed to come off without a hitch. The training was interesting enough, as I took a course on Open SSO from Sun. I did not know anything about this software before I left, but have a much better idea of it now and how it fits in to the Enterprise workspace. I did reaffirm as well, that I dont think I ever want a job as a Unix Sysadmin, as the long command line commands really challenge my rather limited typing skills. I have limited knowledge of Unix, so at least it was nice to learn a bit more about it, but I think at the end of the day, I prefer working on Windows systems.

It had been a very long time since the last time I was in Ottawa, I had gone on a family vacation back in the early 80′s, so it was almost like going some place new for me. It was an interesting city, and since it is our Nations Capitol, it had a mix of really old buildings and more modern office towers. The downtown core where I stayed seemed very busy during the weekdays, the streets narrow at times, and lots of people going about their days. The evenings, in the part of downtown I was staying, it cleared out pretty fast. When I arrived on Sunday, I actually thought the town was shut down, as I walked the streets looking for a place to eat, and could not find anything. Later I learned, that just past the Parliament buildings, there was a market area with a lot of restaurants. I was able to make it over there later in the week, and it was interesting.

The first few days I found the weather a bit humid, and found myself gasping for air a few times. It probably was not all that humid, but coming from a dry place like Edmonton, I notice any little bit of humidity. The Hotel I stayed at was ok, though I am not sure if I would stay there again if I went back to Ottawa. Like most Hotels, the Lobby and reception area is very nice, but the rooms are not as nice. There were a few complaints I had about the room, as the window never really shut properly, the rooms were not very sound proof from what was outside of them, and the fan in my room never stopped running. The Internet access was really good, though probably too good as I ended up doing more work in the evenings then I had originally had planned.

I got home on Friday, and felt really nice to be home. On Saturday I went for Dim Sum with friends, and then after that Dave, Tao Tao and I went to see Surrogates. I thought the movie was ok, but nothing really overly special, the concept of the movie was interesting enough, and could see society possibly going that way. In the evening I played cards at Paul’s house. but in the end Jason won. Sunday was a nice relaxing day, I watched the F1 race from Singapore and then the last 100 laps of the Nascar race.

It is nice to be home, looking forward to this upcoming week finishing up as then I will be on Vacation for 2 weeks. I am debating on maybe adding another week to my Vacation to make it 3 as I really feel I need a break. Want to get started on some renovations and put some work in some fun type projects.

Tags: Dave, Edmonton, F1, Jason, Nascar, Ottawa, Paul, Tao tao, Travel

Long time since my last entry, it has been a bit busy lately. But hopefully things will start to settle down a little bit, and I can get back more into hobbies and work around the house. I will be going to Ottawa for a week in mid September. I am hoping after that, it will be relatively clear sailing for the remainder of the year.

I always really like long weekends, the extra day always adds so much to the weekend. With long weekends, I always feel like I have the option to do more things, and they usually end up more busy then normal weekends. I have done some podcasting stuff this weekend already, so minor home maintenance as well. Still a few more things I want to get done, so wanting to get to those over the next few days. I had been hoping to take this week off to start some painting around the house, but unfortunately I could not get the time off from work. I have a couple weeks off in October, so will have to wait until then to start on the painting. It has been a bit frustrating having to wait on the changes I want to make to the house, and I was hoping I could have done it sooner. But hopefully in the next year or so, the economy will pick up, and more jobs will be available, and I can move into one that will allow more time to myself again. But I guess for now, make due with what I have and feel fortunate I have a paycheque coming every two weeks.

I am not sure what I have totally planned today, but Tao tao and I might head over to Ikea to pick up some things for the house, we have been wanting to go for sometime, and our schedules match to go.  There are a few other things I would not mind looking for, and we have a gift card for a store that sells things for homes, so hoping to get a shower curtain. I am not sure what else, guess will see how the day goes, I would like to start on my next collecting podcast, so I might stop by and get some poster paper so I can start photographing the next pieces I will review.

I wish normal weekends gave me the energy that long weekends do, as at times I feel reluctant to start projects on a regular weekend. Not sure why, maybe the fear I will not get done, maybe I spend Sunday fretting about work on Monday, or maybe by the time I am ready to start, the weekend already feels over. I do have a problem taking the step to start things, it is something I have always had. It is not procrastination, as I will look at something, but somehow feel frozen from starting, I am not sure how I address those feelings, I guess that is another thing to add to the list .

Hopefully in the upcoming weeks I can add more to my blog, I want to get back to blogging more on other things besides me. I guess on to start my Sunday on this long weekend, I am sure when I am back at work on Tuesday, I will be saying the weekend was to short .

Tags: podcasting, Tao tao

Been awhile since my last post. Tao tao’s mom has made it back to China after her stay, and her trip was fairly smooth. Things are starting to get back to normal as summer winds down. Today was a nice day, in that I spent it doing yard work. It has been a few years since I have really did any yard work. The townhouse had a small yard, and the only work in that yard was pulling weeds. The yard in my new house is bigger with a lawn to maintain. The lawn is not in very good shape, so it is going to be a bit of a project to bring it to a better condition, and probably will take a few years. But it was nice to get out there and do some work today in the yard. After I sat on my deck for a little while, it was nice, even though stormy weather was rolling in.

My friend Dave dropped by on Friday, as he had something to show me. He had just bought himself a Motorcycle, and he was quite happy about it. The bike was in great shape and from the sounds of it got a good deal on it. About 7 years ago Dave had a horrible accident on his previous Motorcycle. Well driving over to my house in the city, he was cut off and ended up slamming into the back of the car. He was thrown from the bike and badly injured. He was taken to the hospital with a leg injury. After examination the Doctors never could figure out the problem with Daves leg, and they had to cut it open to relieve the swelling. Dave was in the hospital for quite some time, and then was off work for around 6 months as well.  Dave was fortunate that he did not lose his leg, since the doctor nearly sent him home originally thinking his leg was only swollen, not for his persistence at the time, things could have been much worse.

Motorcycles are not for me, but I admire Dave for getting another one. It had been 7 years since Dave had rode one, and he had talked about it off and on over the years. Finally he decided it was something he enjoyed and was missing it, so he got it again. I think it is great for him to get the bike, many would have never gone back after an accident like he had, but he did. I admire him for that.

This morning I woke up and watched the Formula 1 race from Valencia. It is the second year for this race, and I must say I really enjoy it. It is a street circuit which is my favorite, but also very picturesque, with the cars racing by the ocean and even over a bridge. Ruebens Barichello won the race, and it was a very popular win as it has been 5 years since his last Victory. Those 5 years were spent on some very bad Honda F1 teams. Barichello is the oldest driver in the F1 series, and even him having a drive this season was pretty much last minute. All the rumours at the end of last year was that he was out of F1, replaced by a younger driver. Then in the offseason, Honda, the team he raced for pulled out of F1. The team became Brawn GP, but there was still talk that he would not be back as maybe a younger driver with money might take the seat. But at the last minute he was given the ride for 2009. Brawn was dominant at the start of the season, but that was all Jensen Button. Barichello was the slower car on the team, and all the attention was given to Button. There were even a few races, where Barichello was ahead of his teammate, but due to team strategy, they were able to maneuver Button ahead of him, much to his displeasure. The past few Grand Prixs, the Brawn Team started to fade, but today, Barichello was really on it, out showed his team mate by a lot, and was very solid in the race. I am not his biggest fan, but I do appreciate the Victory, and the determination for Barichello to push to get back to the top spot on the podium. At points in the last few years and even this season, a win must have felt a million miles away.

So this weekend has got me to think about my resiliency lately. Things at work have been really tough lately, and it has gotten me down. I seem to have fallen into going with the current instead of trying to stear myself a bit better in the direction I would like to go. We all have hardships, and sometimes it takes quite a long time to bounce back, or reach what we want in life. I have to keep reminding myself, sometime you get pushed down, but if you hang in there, things work out. It might not be immediate, but it will come. I am hoping I can try and keep myself a bit more focused on work, and not allow myself to get swept away with apathy for the job and company. Those are both only temporary, and just one chapter in my life. I just need to tap into some resilient spirit that I know I have.

Tags: Brawn GP, Dave, Formula 1, Honda F1, Jensen Button, Ruebens Barichello, Tao tao, Yard Work

The past few months I have been so busy with moving, I have had to put my geek habits to the side. I must admit it has been hard to do, and felt that I could only really watch from the sidelines. This weekend I did some work around the house getting things organized and unpacked, and I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am hoping when fall comes, I might have a bit more time. That might sound odd as it is summer, but I haven’t really taken any vacation this year. I have some banked time from OT plus my regular Vacation days to use up in the 4th quarter.

This weekend was fairly productive. Tao tao and her mom went on a trip to Vancouver, so I have been home alone for most of the week. I did not get much done earlier in the week, as I had work to do. But the weekend I was able to get to some things. I setup my Stereo and got a lot of things cleared out my TV room, so it is nice to have everything setup now. I watched some DVD’s in the evenings, so started feeling more like I was home. On Saturday I set to work on getting my office organized. With a little bit of thought, I was able to get all my desks into the office, and be able to move around easily. There are still a few odd things left to do, but at least things are out of the way. My Dad came over today to help me with a problem with my Bathtub Faucet in the main bathroom. We thought it was going to be a big task, but in the end, it was just tightening a screw on the faucet know. Thanks to my Dad, I probably would have never figured it out and called a plumber.

In September and October I am going to start painting some rooms. The colours in the bedrooms are pretty dark, so I want to repaint them and brighten them up. I will have to think of a good colour for them.  I am bouncing some things around in my head, but most likely it will be something neutral and brighter. After I am done with the Bedrooms, I can set one up with all my clothes, and my bookshelves as well. My office I will need to paint as well, since it is a bright Yellow, but it is not to bad, but probably something I will wait until the Winter to paint.

The room that I am most anxious to get done is the basement. I have all my collectibles down there right now, but want to do some renovations so that I can expand it a bit. As well the there is a room down there with a chocolate brown colour, which I want to paint to a neutral color as well. Once I am don’t that, then I can get to work setting my collectibles up. I am really eager to do that, so to have to wait, it making it tough. I will go down stairs and try to visualize what it might look like and where things will go.

I am hoping soon that I can get back to more geeky type things I like to do. Such as working on my Websites, my podcasts and to start back with plastic models that I haven’t been able to do for the past few years. I see other people doing fun things, and I feel a bit frustrated that I can’t do those things as well. All I can do is enjoy what they are doing, and motivate myself to get the things I need done completed. The hardest part is done the moving, no things are starting to fall into place, so I should start seeing more time to pursue some other things I haven’t been able for awhile.

On Saturday, I bought myself a couple models as motivation. I have plenty of others as well, but I bought these to Battlestar Galactica models as a bit of a carrot to keep me inspired to get the renovations done.

Here are some Pictures I took this morning of my house. Hopefully over time I will have some more. The toy room will be the one I will want to get sone and pictures taken

Tags: Battlestar Galactica, Dad, Moving, Plumbing, Tao tao

The past month has been so busy, and just now I was able to catch my breathe a bit. I must admit I have been looking forward to this long weekend for awhile, and for the most part because I am not going to do anything special.

The past few weeks have been pretty much devoted to moving. Everything is done, and we are no in our new home. Unfortunately I do not have any pictures yet. Mainly because the house is still a bit disorganized, and I don’t really want to take pictures of rooms with boxes in them. My office is really cluttered right now, and I am hoping I can get it setup a bit better. My family room is very cluttered as well, with boxes and stereo equipment in the middle of it. I took a week off to move, and had about 2 weeks from when I got possession until I had to move out of my old place, and in the end, I really needed all those days.

I was pretty fortunate to get help from my family and my friend Dave to help me move. I rented a truck, to haul boxes and smaller things over to the new house. Also we took the opportunity to throw out old things we no longer needed. A few trips to the dump, and we had things cleaned out, but unfortunately I had forgotten a few things to throw out, so I now have them in my new house. For my furniture, I hired movers to move that. They came, and moved the furniture fairly efficiently, I thought the price was a bit expensive, but at least I did not have to burden anyone with the furniture. My one complaint was that I had to leave a tip, which I was fine with at the time. But when I went back to my townhouse to start cleaning, I walked into the main bedroom bathroom, it smelled really bad. They had gone to the toilet, and never flushed, and also made a real mess on the seat. The smell was really bad, as they closed the door, and it was like that for a day, and the weather was really hot. Took awhile to air out, and turned my stomach to clean. If I had known what they had done, would have never left a tip, as that was just gross. Not sure if it was done on purpose, or not, but really did not appreciate it. All I can really do, is never use that company again, and not recommend to anyone else.

Cleaning my old townhouse took a lot of time as well. Thankfully my mom helped me clean it. We went from top to bottom and did a real good job of cleaning. I try to keep it clean, but there were still areas that were dirty, and with furniture, you can never get to all places. It was a bit tough to do, as I was thinking about my new home, and the things I wanted to do there. I must say after the moving, and the cleaning, and the heat, I was really exhausted. I am not in very good shape, so I need to make more of an effort to get into shape.

On the weekend I went with Paul and Jason to the Rexall Edmonton Indy. It was hot, I drank lots of water, got a sun burn and a lot of walking. All in all it was good. Still not Champ car, but I guess make the best of the situation. Will Power won the race, good to see a Champ car driver get the victory. Paul Tracy was at the race as well, and cool to see him have a good weekend. With all the moving, and things going on in my life, I probably did not get as much out of the race as I would have liked. Also with being so busy, have fallen behind on Champodcast. Jason is busy editing a few shows as well for work, so what was to be our flag ship podcast, will not be, which we feel a bit sad about. But we will try to get a podcast out soon.

I could only take one week off from work, since my co worker was away on Holidays. So this week was fairly busy at work as well. I had a few things to clear up for the house, so I had to push off some requests for overtime early in the week. I still managed to do some later in the week, as I could not get away from it, and look like more next week. I have always been bothered with that, people pushing over the summer for work to be done. I guess business never stops, but I just get the feeling the people pushing, are the ones who then go and enjoy summer, well the rest of us are left to handle their requests. I am probably just complaining, and my situation is a lot better then others.

This week was also the closing on my townhouse. All the cleaning was done, everything moved out, with a big thanks to my parents. There was a bit of drama with that, and will be honest I did not like how things ended with that. There is still a loose string, that might come back to haunt me, but at least it was all done. I am in my new house, and no ties to the old place. So looking forward to unpacking some of those boxes around me.

I did feel a bit embarrassed earlier in the week. Where I live now, they do not deliver mail to the house, but to community mailboxes. The previous owners left the key and the box number. I went all over the neighborhood looking for the box, and could not find one that my key worked in. I went to the post office to ask, and they gave me a phone number to call. I called that and the customer rep told me the box number, but still did not help me. I just needed to know where the mailbox was. I was getting a bit stressed about it. Well I was driving back to the house after going out to dinner with my parents and Tao tao and her Mom, and I jump on the brakes. Coming into my street, there was the mailbox. I jump out, and run over, and voila, my key worked, and a stack of mail. The thing is, I had driven past this mail box every day, and never bothered to notice it. It was literally under my nose. Typical of me, I guess I was looking harder then I needed to.

I am hopeful over the next few weeks that I can get all the boxes unpacked, as there are a few things I still haven’t located. Tao tao and her Mom are going on a trip next week, so I am looking forward to making some progress on things. This evening I cut the lawn for the first time. Bought a Lawnmower the other day, it was the floor model, so got 10 percent off, but cut my fingers up getting it out of the car. I am hoping to maybe start painting some rooms soon as well. If not when they are gone, then in September. Tao tao’s mom goes back to China later in August, so it might be easier then, as I can store some stuff in the room she is sleeping in.

Probably the thing I want to do the most is my toy room, but there is some renovations I must do first, so it has to wait a bit. So I am hopeful I can get on those pretty soon. I have some ideas, so hopefully it can come together.

I must say, this new office is a great experience for me, my old office was very hot, whereas this one is cool and comfortable. I am hopeful that it will allow me to be more productive on my PC and my websites. If I make good progress this weekend, I will take some pictures as well and post them on the site. I am also really looking forward to getting back to my normal routine.

Tags: Champ car, Champodcast, Dave, IndyCar, Jason, Mom and Dad, Paul, Paul Tracy, Rexall Edmonton Indy, Tao tao, Will Power